Sunday, January 21, 2007

His Daughters Are of Great Worth in His Sight

Today I’m feeling rather sober-minded and would like to share my thoughts with you. This is a message primarily for women, but that doesn’t mean you men can’t read it.

When our Heavenly Father created us, He created boys and girls, men and women, and we are all His children and He loves all of us, regardless of gender, with His whole heart. Can you just think of it for a minute and feel the power of it – the all-mighty God, powerful beyond our comprehension, and we are His favorite? Can you feel how incredible that is, and how incredible your own worth must be to know that God Himself delights to look upon you?

Because the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does have a patriarchal order and men do hold the principle positions of leadership, sometimes women in the church get the false idea that they are somehow less than the men. Shame on the men who, in any way, reinforce that belief. There is no doctrine, scripture, or revelation which states that men are better than women and that women should be subservient. Our modern prophets, President Hinckley in particular, have repeatedly spoken of the worth of women and how very precious they are. Brothers and sisters, it is my firm belief and my firm testimony that in God’s eyes, men and women stand shoulder to shoulder, not one in front of the other. The fact that men hold the Priesthood and we do not only means that our jobs are different. There have been times when I have had no access to a Priesthood blessing and my fervent prayers were answered just as they would if I’d sought the Lord in a blessing. He will not and does not leave us helpless just because we do not hold the Priesthood. He listens to our prayers and will answer them.

I have on many occasions observed women who feel that their relationship with their Heavenly Father hinges on their husband. If their husband doesn’t go to church, neither do they. I know of one woman who thought her endowment and her marriage covenant were the same thing, and so after her divorce, she thought she couldn’t go to the temple any more. I know of women who are afraid to ask for the Priesthood to bless their lives because they were hurt by a Priesthood holder. To that, I say, if a Priesthood holder hurts you, they are no Priesthood holder. They may be going through the motions, but God does not honor them.

Sisters, I sincerely want to explain to you that your relationship with God is independent from your husband. You do not have to stop attending the temple if you get a divorce (unless your Bishop tells you so) Your endowment is separate from your sealing. Just because your sealing is no longer in effect, that does not mean that your endowment is over. You have every right to continue to go to the temple unless you have committed a sin which would keep you from entering. A divorce does not mean that you have to give up the blessings of temple attendance.

Our Heavenly Father reaches out to us constantly. He wants to know that we are happy, that we are doing well. He wants to speak with us through prayer. We are His daughters, His chief joy. When we are having problems with our husbands and feel that we can’t go to the Lord about that, He feels so much sorrow. Your relationship with your Father in Heaven began far before you ever met your husband and will continue no matter what ends up happening with your husband. Please do not let a bad marriage keep you from seeking the blessings the Lord has for you. Yes, He would prefer that we come before him as a united couple, but He understands that’s not always possible. If for some reason we aren’t able to do that, we should come before Him on our own. He will strengthen us. He will help us move forward. He takes the wounded heart and heals it. It breaks my heart to hear a woman say that her husband is the link between herself and Heavenly Father and since she is at odds with her husband, she can’t speak to her Heavenly Father. Ladies, nothing is further from the truth. We always have a direct line to our Father. He will always listen to us. We don’t need a liaison between Him and us; we can go to Him directly. That is part of the blessing that was given to us in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus Christ is our advocate with the Father. Through Him, we can approach. Our husbands are not that key. Only Christ is that key. I do not speak of the keys of the Celestial Kingdom; that is another matter entirely and too sacred to go into on the Internet, but I speak of the keys of communication with our Heavenly Father.

A unified, committed marriage is a wonderful thing, and it’s what we all should strive for. But if that is not happening for you at this time, that is not the end of your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Remember, your relationship with Him is independent of your husband. He is always there for us, and He can give us the strength, the wisdom, the patience and courage and faith we need to see through whatever our problems are. He is the Master Healer.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Get Your Lips Off My Cheek and No One Will Get Hurt

When you write something in chunks, and then you go back and read it straight through, you may find that you have repeated a word or action to the point of silliness. Such is the case with me. While editing a portion of my WIP where one of the main characters is going in for surgery, I noticed that every single person who came in to see her was kissing her on the cheek. If I got kissed that many times, I'd start slapping people.

That scene was originally written in small tidbits, stuck in between changing diapers, making lunch, changing the laundry loads, and what have you. Reading it straight through just now was quite a trip.

Writer's tip for today: It's okay to write in chunks, but try to edit in longer stretches so you can get a more clear idea of the big picture.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

It's About More Than the Comma Splice

Anyone who has been reading my blog for more than thirty seconds knows that I hate to go back and edit my own work. I've read it and read it and read it until it's practically memorized, and the thought of reading it one more time makes me want to set fire to my computer. But I persist in doing it, and tonight I was reminded, yet again, of why.

I'm editing my WIP this week. I had other plans for this stretch of time - if you read my New Year's Resolutions blog, you know I had planned to do research right now, but I'm waiting for two books I ordered from Amazon and badly need to arrive. Until they get here, I've done all I can do, so I'm editing up until the point where I need that researched information. This is my thousandth pass on this book (it feels like) and yet tonight, I found something major.

There are three teenaged characters: Sunny, Neil, and Benjiro. I had originally made Benjiro a little bit older than Sunny and Neil, but I decided to start the book with the assassination of JFK and tie Vietnam in more closely, and so I made them all roughly the same age. I made that call about two editing passes ago, but just tonight found a spot where Benjiro is telling Sunny he was orphaned at three when his parents were killed by the atomic bomb. Well, Sunny was six months old when the bomb fell, and that would make Benjiro around a year old or less. I never caught that until tonight. It's a good thing I'm putting myself through this torture.

It just goes to show that when you make a change later in the process, you need to go back and make sure that everything leading up to that point supports the change you made. That's as much a part of editing as punctuation or anything else you do.

Virtual Editing Workshop Part Three

The following snippet was submitted by a willing victim . . . er, guinea pig . . for the purposes of allowing me to massacre . . . er, edit it. I promise, I’ll be gentle.

I’m posting it in its entirety first, and then again with my changes, so you can see why I’ve done what I did. I’ll include explanations as I go, too.

The sound of thunder pierced the room, and Julia bolted upright in bed. She pressed her hands to her ears, bracing for the next jarring sound, but it didn’t come. She looked around the room and all was still. A glance at the clock told her she should still be asleep. It was five o’clock. She edged her way to the window beside her bed and peered out into the looming darkness. There was no rain; the ground was dry and the dark sky was without a cloud. There had been no thunderstorm, only the one that lived in her head and made its way out at unexpected times to remind her that she had no peace.

She lay back down and covered herself with her comforter in an attempt to regain the sleep that eluded her at such times. It didn’t come. She tried to shut out the memories that always came after the imagined thunderstorms, but they remained and taunted her. She threw back the covers in defeat. A long shower would lighten the tone of this gloomy morning. A shower and a bagel would revive her faltering spirit and prepare her for the day ahead.

After lingering in the hot shower, she drove to Brachman’s to pick up a bagel with extra cream cheese to eat at work. Being at her office gave her a sense of order and purpose. She needed to escape the suffocating nightmare and the paralyzing feeling it created.

Julia licked a mouthful of cream cheese off a toasted bagel as she read the front page of the Salt Lake Tribune. She tried to start off each morning with a perusal of the paper and a few minutes of the early morning news on her small TV. Julia discarded the paper as the local news on the television caught her attention.
‘More details are coming to light about last week’s murder on the University of Utah campus. The body of the Lady Utes’ basketball player, Avery Thomas, was found last Monday afternoon in the women’s locker room. Starting forward for the Utes, Mick Webber, was arraigned yesterday for the murder. The couple was engaged, and this is the reason many are finding this heinous crime hard to believe.’



Okay, now here we go:


The sound of thunder pierced the room, and Julia bolted upright in bed. She pressed her hands to her ears, bracing for the next jarring sound, but it didn’t come. She looked around the room and all was still. A glance at the clock told her she should still be asleep. It was five o’clock. She edged her way to the window beside her bed and peered out into the looming darkness. There was no rain; the ground was dry and the dark sky was without a cloud. There had been no thunderstorm, only the one that lived in her head and made its way out at unexpected times to remind her that she had no peace.

I’ve bolded these words because each of them are what I call a “weight-bearing” word. They call attention to themselves by their very nature, which is that they are unusual and draw the reader’s eye. Our submitter is striving to create a scene of tension, but tension moves quickly. When you have so many weight-bearing words in one paragraph, it gets bogged down. I would recommend that the submitter make the following changes to this first excerpt:


The sound of thunder crashed through ("pierced" is a word you would generally use for a sharp sound, like a scream) the room, and Julia sat upright in bed. She pressed her hands to her ears, bracing for the next sound, but it didn’t come. She looked around the room and all was still. A glance at the clock told her she should still be asleep; it was only five o’clock. (Combined the two sentences to get rid of a choppy transition, and added “only” to add the transition into what time it was.) She made (took out “edged” – again, too heavy) her way to the window beside her bed and looked out (removed “peered”) into the looming darkness. There was no rain; the ground was dry and the dark sky was without a cloud. The only thunderstorm was the one that lived in her head and made its way out at unexpected times to remind her that she had no peace. (Reworked the sentence to eliminate some repetition.)

Okay, next chunk:

She lay back down and covered herself with her comforter in an attempt to regain the sleep that eluded her at such times. It didn’t come. She tried to shut out the memories that always came after the imagined thunderstorms, but they remained and taunted her. She threw back the covers in defeat. A long shower would lighten the tone of this gloomy morning. A shower and a bagel would revive her faltering spirit and prepare her for the day ahead.


There are several “her”s in that first bit. Let’s rework a little to read:

She lay back down and pulled up the comforter (got rid of two “her”s) in an attempt to regain the sleep that was so elusive at such times. (Got rid of the other “her.”) It didn’t come. She tried to shut out the memories that always came after the imagined thunderstorms, but they remained and taunted her. She threw back the covers in defeat. A long shower would lighten the tone of this gloomy morning. She could go for a warm bagel, too. (It was: A shower and a bagel would revive her faltering spirit and prepare her for the day ahead, but this last sentence seemed a little melodramatic.)

And another excerpt:

After lingering in the hot shower, she drove to Brachman’s to pick up a bagel with extra cream cheese to eat at work. Being at her office gave her a sense of order and purpose. She needed to escape the suffocating nightmare and the paralyzing feeling it created. (Right here, I feel the need for a transition or a page break. We just went from one thing to the next very abruptly. We’re being introduced to her like we don’t know who she is, and it says “a” bagel like we didn’t know she just bought one.) She (changed from Julia) licked a mouthful of cream cheese off the (changed from “a”) toasted bagel as she read the front page of The (changed from the) Salt Lake Tribune. She tried to start off each morning with a perusal of the paper and a few minutes of the early morning news on the small TV in her office. (Changed from “on her small TV.”) She (changed from “Julia” – she’s the only woman we’ve met so far, so we don’t need a repetition of her name until another woman comes on the scene.) discarded the paper as the local news on the television caught her attention.

‘More details are coming to light about last week’s murder on the University of Utah campus. The body of the Lady Utes’ basketball player, Avery Thomas, was found last Monday afternoon in the women’s locker room. Starting forward for the Utes, Mick Webber, was arraigned yesterday for the murder. Webber and Thomas were
(changed from “The couple was” – I didn’t know who we were talking about there for a minute) engaged, and many (took out “this is the reason” – unprofessional for a TV anchor) are finding this heinous crime hard to believe.’



My comments: I’m definitely interested to find out what happens next. I would recommend that one of two things happens: 1. We either find out soon what the nightmares are and what caused them, or 2. Some sort of statement is made like “For a moment she started to relive the past, but she knew she didn’t have the time to dwell on it. Later, she told herself. She would think it through later.” This way, the reader is promised a solution to the question. If Julia has too many more of these nightmares, the reader is going to go crazy wanting to know why, so either give the answer or promise the answer.

I think you’re off to a good start. Remember, these are just suggestions and you are more than entitled to chuck them all out the window if they don’t feel right to you. This is your story and you have stewardship over it. Thanks for sending it in – I hope my comments were helpful!

Monday, January 01, 2007

Virtual Editing Workshop Part Two

I found lots of fodder for this blog while editing my Work In Progress over the last few days.

1. The Colonel nodded, lifting his cap from his lap. “I suspected you’d feel that way, but I had to ask.”

Are we channeling a little Dr. Seuss now? "He had a cap upon his lap, the silly chap who had a lap." We want to avoid rhyming as much as possible, so I changed it to:

The Colonel nodded, lifting his hat from his lap. “I suspected you’d feel that way, but I had to ask.”


2. Next, I found a great example of a sentence that didn't quite make sense the way I wrote it originally.

She focused on the mountains peeking up over the tops of the houses across the way to still her mind.

I flipped the sentence around and put the reason behind her action first rather than at the end and changed the tense just a smidge. It makes more sense now.

To still her mind, she focused on the mountains that peeked over the tops of the houses across the way.



3. Here's a segment where the same words are getting used too many times.

“He stares too much,” Sunny said shortly, walking into the kitchen and sitting at the table, where her school books took up most of the surface. “He doesn’t like my scars.”
“We don’t know that for sure,” Ken said. He pulled out a chair and sat next to his daughter. “Maybe he thinks you’re pretty.”
Sunny looked at Ken in amazement. “You’re wrong, Dad. He couldn’t possibly think that.”
“Why not? I do.”
“You’re supposed to think I’m pretty! You’re my father!”
“Then I must be doing my job.” Ken reached out to stroke her hair. “I do think you’re pretty, Sunny. You look more like your mother every day.”
She ducked her head, but not before Ken caught sight of the smile that broke out across her face. “I do?”
“Yes, you do, and you know your mother was very beautiful.”
Ken left her shaking her head over her studies and made himself a sandwich.



So I performed a little magic and came up with this instead:

“He stares too much,” Sunny said shortly, walking into the kitchen and sitting at the table, where her school books took up most of the surface. “He doesn’t like my scars.”
“We don’t know that for sure.” Ken pulled out a chair and sat next to his daughter. “Maybe he was captivated by your beauty,” he said with a wink.
Sunny looked at Ken in amazement. “You’re wrong, Dad.”
“Why? I think you’re very pretty.”
“You’re supposed to! You’re my father!”
“Then I must be doing my job.” Ken reached out to stroke her hair. “You look more like your mother every day.”
She ducked her head, but not before Ken caught sight of the smile that broke out across her face. “I do?”
“Yes, you do, and you know your mother was very beautiful.”
Ken left her shaking her head over her studies and made himself a sandwich.


4. Ah, but then I fell victim to a classic blunder. Never get involved in a land war in Asia? No, not that one. I fell victim to the: I'm adding stuff, and I forgot what my character was doing when I added it.

We started out with this:

Ken left her shaking her head over her studies and made himself a sandwich. Catherine came in a moment later.
“Did Benjiro say if he was hungry? I could fix him a plate,” Ken offered.
“No, I asked and he said he ate on the plane. He just wants to take a nap.”
“How about you?”
“Hmm, you’re making food for me? I have to take you up on that.”
“Sandwich, Sunny?” Ken called out.
“No thanks.”
Catherine and Ken settled down in their deck chairs and relaxed in the sunshine that was just starting to turn warm after a long winter.


In reading this, I decided that it was too choppy, so I added some. This is where I got into trouble.

Ken left her shaking her head over her studies and made himself a sandwich. Catherine came in a moment later.
“Did Benjiro say if he was hungry? I could fix him a plate,” Ken offered.
“No, I asked and he said he ate on the plane. He just wants to take a nap.”
“How about you?”
“Hmm, you’re making food for me? I have to take you up on that.”
“Sandwich, Sunny?” Ken called out.
“No thanks.”
Ken wielded his mustard knife with the finesse of someone who has seen a lot of sandwiches in his life, and moments later, two prize-winning double-decker ham and tomato sandwiches stood side by side, ready to be eaten. “We’ll be on the patio,” he called out, gathering up a handful of napkins.
“Okay, Dad.”
Catherine and Ken settled down in their deck chairs and relaxed in the sunshine that was just starting to turn warm after a long winter.


Did you catch that? Ken made himself a sandwich, and then he made two sandwiches for himself and Catherine. It's true that maybe he's still hungry and wanted another sandwich, but without an explanation, an astute reader will pick up on that. So, I just changed it to:

Ken left her shaking her head over her studies and pulled out the ingredients to make himself a sandwich.

This way, we see that he has the intent to make a sandwich but he hasn't actually done it yet when he offers to make one for Catherine. It's a small thing, but that's what editing is all about -- page after page of small things.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got 252 more pages of small things to go over.
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