Monday, April 29, 2013

You've Changed

Me at my first Ladies' Night Out, American Fork Deseret Book
April 2003
Back when I was first published (yes, check out the picture of me ... little baby author Tristi) I had one main goal.

You see, when I got my contract, a friend of my mother's said to me, "I hope you don't change now that you're going to be published. An author lives in our ward, and as soon as she got published, she became totally different. She won't give us the time of day anymore."

Other people said pretty much the same thing. "I hope that when you're rich and famous, you'll still have time for us."  "Well, it was nice knowing you." "You'll be different now, I guess."

These comments all really bothered me. Why would getting a publishing contract mean that I would change? Why couldn't I be a published author and still be myself - wasn't there a way to be both? And so I set a goal, the main goal I mentioned in the first paragraph: I was not going to change. I would always be me.

My plan seemed to work. No matter how many book signings I did or classes I presented or book clubs I did, I was careful that I was always myself. I never put on any airs or acted stuck up or pretended to know stuff I didn't know. I didn't name-drop ... even though I actually know some really amazing, highly famous people ... and I tried to stay pretty low-key about some of the awesome experiences I had. I didn't want people to look at me and say, "She's changed. She got published and now she's a totally different person." I was going to fight that tooth and nail.

But then I realized something. I had changed.

I was more confident.

I was more educated.

I was more outgoing.

I was finding new talents to share.

I was becoming an expert in my field.

I was funnier.

I was more popular.

I was learning how to respect myself more.

I was making money.  (Not a lot, but some. Still working on that.)

I was sought after.

I was viewed as a mentor.

I was stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Oh, no. I broke my promise ... I had promised not to change, and then I went and did it.

Almost ten years later, Storymakers Conference
2012. Photo credit Erin Summerill.
When I look at who I was back then and who I am today, I can't say that I regret breaking that promise. The fundamentals of who I am have not changed. I'm still friendly and approachable and helpful and as cute as a button, but I'm also wiser and stronger and more able to hold my own. I have learned so much, and everything I've learned has shaped me. I'm a far, far better person than I was ten years ago.

And have I lost friends along the way? I'm sorry to say that I have. Some didn't realize that I wasn't going to dump them and they dumped me first, thinking they'd take it upon themselves. And some, even though I rarely even mentioned my writing, felt that I talked about it too much and thought I was bragging. What I've come to realize is this -the people who said "Don't change" were really saying "Don't leave us behind. Um, no, we aren't going to pursue our own dreams - that's too hard - so you stay back here with us so we can be more comfortable."

I don't like to think about the relationships that were left behind - it makes me sad. But a real friendship, a real relationship, doesn't punish you for growing as a person, and I learned that the hard way.

Being an author does change you, whether you want it to or not. Every experience you have in life should change you - that's what life is for. If your life isn't changing you, you aren't living it right. We should not leave this planet the same people we were as when we stepped on it. We should be stronger. We should be smarter. We should be more compassionate, more aware, more giving.

I like who I am now. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea - a little Tristi goes a long way - but I'm proud of the progress I've made. I still have a lot to do - weaknesses I want to turn into strengths, character flaws I'm not too crazy about - and, unfortunately, I know that growth will hurt. That's just part of it. But what it all boils down to is this - I've changed. I've changed for the better, for the smarter, for the wiser, and no one should ask you to stay the same either.

Experiences that don't change you aren't worth having.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

A New Plan

Life has ways of making things complicated, don't you think? We're bopping along, doing our own thing, thinking we've got it all under control, and then stuff happens. You know the kind of stuff I mean - it pops up out of nowhere and gives you one more thing to worry about while you were already juggling pretty much everything you could handle. And then a few more things come along and before you know it, your juggling capacity has increased and you learn that you were stronger than you thought. It's a great life lesson and so forth, but then you realize that you've got to put some of those things down or pretty much have a nervous breakdown.

I see you nodding - yeah, you've been there too. I can tell.

Life's been doing that to me a lot lately. I'm delegating as fast as I can with one hand while juggling everything else in the other, and it's been a pretty frisky game. This last month has presented some additional health challenges for me, my family, and some extended family, and we've had to put everything else on hold and just deal with those. In the middle of that, I'm still editing up a blue streak and we were just put in as Webelos leaders and trying to keep up with kids' activities ... and stuff ... and yeah. It's been crazy.

And in the middle of all that, I realized that I haven't been writing.

You might think differently - after all, I've released a fair number of books in the last few years. And that's awesome. But I'm not spending the time I should on doing the thing that keeps my well filled. Writing does that for me - it keeps me focused and sane and on target, and when I don't make the time for it, everything else goes out of alignment.

But when am I supposed to do it? I have a family that I love - they need me. I have a career that I love - it needs me. I have other obligations that I enjoy (and some that I do because they're obligations, hence the word) and then someone has to do the grocery shopping - the groceries won't shop themselves. Where do I fit it in? How do I make it work?

I was thinking about it last night and realized something. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I give 10% of my income to the Church. This is used to help build temples and church buildings all over the world, and I know that I am blessed for doing it. In fact, when I give that money away, I find myself even better able to meet my financial obligations - it doesn't make sense on paper, but it happens over and over again and I don't question it. And so then my thoughts continued along the same vein - if giving 10% of my money to a cause that I love helps me financially, not only because I'm blessed but because it helps make me a better steward, what would happen if I set aside certain amounts of writing time that are just mine?

So I'm launching a new plan. An awesome, experimental, maybe goofy plan. Every Monday night from nine to midnight is Tristi Writing Time. I'll work hard to get my other stuff finished up beforehand and then give myself those three hours a week to write whatever I want to. I've tried working it in here and there, but stuff always comes up and I don't stick to my guns like I should, so now, by implementing a certain time just for my own books, maybe I can create a routine and get it down to a system.

We'll see how it goes.  :)  In the meantime, I'm excited to give it a try.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Book Review: How to Have Peace When You're Falling to Pieces


Motherhood .... It's hard. It's really, really hard. Don't believe me? Ask any mother and they will tell you. There is no profession more demanding, more stressful, and more laden with guilt. An ER doctor might come close to rivaling the stress levels, but I think mothers still have the hardest jobs ever.

Why is that? Why is the task of raising cute, cuddly, innocent little children so very hard?

It's because we love them so very much and we understand how important our roles are in their lives.

Author Rebecca Rode's new book How to Have Peace When You're Falling to Pieces addresses some of these aspects of motherhood and offers straightforward and often funny advice for those of us who feel as though we'll never have it all together. In fact, the premise of the book is centered around that very idea - we need to have the right pieces in order to truly become complete. Those pieces are being mothers of purpose, mothers of skill, mothers of work, mothers of faith, mothers of wisdom, mothers of joy, and mothers of peace. That sounds like a pretty tall order, but then the author breaks each of those down and provides anecdotes and solid advice to help us understand and incorporate what she means in each of those categories.

I entered this book with a lot of baggage on my shoulders. I'm at a time in my life when I've had to focus on things that are less eternally important in order to satisfy some earthly demands, and the imbalance has been weighing on me. What this book did for me was remind me that there are certain fundamentals that, once in place, can help a family weather any storm. I also understood more clearly that I have more control than I think I do, and while it might feel that things are swirling around me in a tornado of chaos, I can reach out and grab that wind and subdue it to a more manageable breeze.

I appreciated the mixture of personal stories with gospel quotes and scriptures. When inspirational nonfiction is written this way, it becomes a tool for the reader to use in their own lives. Rebecca sounds like someone who would be a good friend and would share your burdens. The read isn't condescending in the slightest, but has the tone of someone saying, "I know what you're going through because I've been down that road too."

If you're a woman who struggles with feelings of guilt or inadequacy, or even if you just need a reminder of the grand and crucial eternal purposes of motherhood, this book is well worth the read.  

Monday, April 08, 2013

Author Interview: Tina Scott

My friend Tina Scott is releasing a new book, "Farewell, My Denmark." To help her celebrate, I'm hosting her on my blog today.

Let's sit down and have a little chat with Tina.


What prompted you to write the novel?

My ancestors are from Denmark, and when I was reading my great-great grandmother’s life history, it dawned on me that I should write a novel about her experiences, and the Danish pioneers.

Is this a pioneer story, then?

It’s not to be compared with The Work and the Glory, other than the people in Farewell, My Denmark are travelling toward Zion.

Will this be a series?

No. I do have a couple of other historical novels from Denmark planned, but the characters in each story are different.

Where did you get your information?

My ancestor’s life stories, the Mormon Immigration Index, personal visits to Denmark, and from visiting the Church History Museum in Salt Lake City, Utah. And, the Internet.

The main character, Catherine, is on a quest to find true love. Is this a historical romance?

There are elements of romance, but it’s not written as a traditional romance. For one, Catherine doesn’t meet her true love right away. She struggles through several wrong choices first.

Why did you do this?

So often people are tempted to watch a romantic movie or read a romantic book and think life is like that, and then they’re disappointed. In real life, it’s sometimes tricky to decide who Mr. Right is, and so Catherine struggles in identifying him, and has more proposals on the voyage.

Is the book set at sea, or in America, or both?

I wanted to give readers a feel for what the Scandinavian Saints gave up when they left their homes. Farewell, My Denmark starts at Catherine’s home and then chronicles their travels through Denmark, Germany, and England. About half of the novel is set aboard the John J. Boyd, the ship my ancestors actually sailed on, and then ends when they arrive in America.

Why don’t you write a story about them travelling across America?

There are a lot of really good novels depicting the Saints’ struggles in America. I wanted to write from a different perspective.

Could you tell us a little about your book?

I’d love to!

A failed engagement sets seventeen-year-old Catherine Erichsen on a faith-building journey of self discovery as she follows her parents and other Mormon Saints on the 1863 immigration to America. When precious heirlooms start disappearing aboard the John J. Boyd, Catherine nearly loses her life at the hand of thieving sailors and fears she won’t live long enough to fulfill the desires of her heart.

!! HELP ME CELEBRATE MY NOVEL !! 
FAREWELL, MY DENMARK book giveaway and celebration APRIL 8 – 26th

 My Wonderful Helpers:

April 8____Tristi Pinkston: April 12___Valerie Ipson: April 15___Cami Checketts: April 16___Joyce DiPastena: April 22___Joyce Smith:
April 23___Jennifer Griffith: Each Friday, April 12th, 19th, 26th, one winner will be picked from that weeks comments to receive a copy of my novel [You may choose from print or ebook] 

and a $10 Target gift card.
INTERNATIONAL: ebook only, no gift card. Sorry.

Winner will be drawn Fridays @ 5pm Pacific Standard time.
Participants who didn’t win may re-enter each week w/ new comments and announcements.

HOW TO PARTICIPATE:


Leave a comment on hosts blog = 1 entry

Leave a comment on my blog w/ your email address in case you win = 1 entry
(Those w/o an email address posted will forfeit if they win.)

Tweet about giveaway w/ link to my blog = 1 entry

Facebook announcement about giveaway w/ link to my blog = 1 entry

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Cover Reveal!

I'm super excited to announce that Till Death Do Us Part, the fifth and final Secret Sisters Mystery, is on its way to press - just a few final touches and it's out the door. Would you like to see the cover?


This makes book baby #16 - how awesome is that??

Stay tuned for book launch information as it becomes available!
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