Saturday, April 26, 2014

Stop Telling Your Kids to Prepare for Temple Marriage

Since the beginning of Mormonism, parents have told their children that temple marriage is their goal. They hang up pictures of the various temples throughout their houses and relate stories of their own white-clad wedding days and sing "I Love to See the Temple" for every family home evening. I had this picture hanging in my bedroom when I was a teenager, even though it bothered me that the young girl looked nothing like the older girl, and therefore, couldn't really grow up to be her.



The temple was the goal, the focus, and reaching that day felt like crossing a finish line. Hooray! Temple marriage - check!

But then what?

I can't even count how many young women I know who are now divorced because their husbands chose not to take the steps necessary to overcome a pornography addiction. They got themselves clean long enough to get married in the temple because they knew their sweethearts wouldn't settle for anything less, but after that magic day, they chose not to go back.

On the other side of the coin, I know some women who choose to make other things their priority rather than temple attendance, and their husbands grieve that they can't share those sacred experiences together.

When we teach about temple marriage in such a way that it makes the wedding day sound like the end goal, the completion of a journey, something to be checked off the to-do list and then never thought about again, we are missing the mark.

I suggest that instead of teaching our kids to look for someone who will take them to the temple, we teach them to look for someone who will take them to the celestial kingdom. That is the real goal, with the temple being a crucial step, but not the end game. 

The temple marriage is the first leg of the journey. It creates incentive for teenagers to make wise choices during those growing-up years, and then, after the wedding day, it makes a foundation for other righteous choices to follow. A temple marriage opens the door to many other wonderful days spent in the temple. It gives the husband and wife a sense of unity as they face life together. The temple teaches them how to grow in love and to build on what they've been taught so that someday, they really can be together forever.

The thing is this - the temple ceremony makes it possible for the man and wife to be together forever, but if they don't live the gospel, they won't be worthy of receiving that blessing. You can't get married in the temple and then believe that you never have to do another thing to ensure your forever family - we are blessed according to obedience. And the more obedient we are, the more we're blessed. 

Yes, hang pictures of the temple all around your home. Sing the songs, teach the lessons, encourage your children to shoot for the temple. This is exactly how it should be. But along with that teaching, remind them that the real goal is eternal life, and that is a process of an entire lifetime. They should prepare for a temple marriage . . . and then prepare to be a temple-attending, temple-loving, temple-living person for the rest of their lives so they really can enjoy all the blessings that have been promised. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

Be a Fountain, Not a Puddle

Once in a while - not often, but here and there - the Lord speaks to me by putting a picture in my mind. Tonight I'm reminded of an experience I had several years ago when my children were much younger. I was feeling completely worn out, as though I had given everything I had to give and was still being called on to give more. I felt unappreciated, overworked, overlooked, and very, very frazzled. Pretty much par for the course when you're a young mom.

Into my mind came two pictures. One was of a fountain, and the other was of a puddle. As I tried to figure out what I was supposed to be understanding from this, the explanation - or interpretation, if you will - became clear.

A puddle sits on the ground. It waits for other sources of water to feed it. If you step in a puddle and splash, you take away from the water mass and the puddle shrinks. When the puddle gets hot, it evaporates.

A fountain rises above the ground. It recirculates its water, in essence taking what it's been given and turning it for good - that requires energy. Fountains are beautiful. People come to look at them and admire them, finding peace in the sound of the water.

The thought came to me: "Be a fountain, not a puddle."

Instead of lying on the ground and waiting for people to step on me, I should stand up and use my energy to develop my God-given talents and share with those around me.

Instead of waiting for other sources to replenish me, I should dig deep and replenish myself through spiritual study and intellectual enrichment.

Instead of wallowing in the mud, I should seek to be a place of refuge to others and speak to them the words that would refresh them and help them find peace.

What a difference that analogy made in my mindset.

And I must really need it again today because I was reminded of it a few minutes ago. It's been a very puddle-like day. I have felt myself evaporating under life's heat, felt myself shrink as others have splashed through. But now it's time to take a deep breath and become a fountain. A tall, beautiful fountain.

Who's with me?
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